MY MOM HAS THIS NASTY THING WITH HER EYES RIGHT
WELL ANYWAY SHE HAD EYEDROPS
BUT THEY GAVE HER EYE AN ALLERGIC REACTION
AND IT CAUSED HER EYE TO GLOW IN THE DARK
AND SHE SAYS SHE ACTUALLY HAD GREEN/PURPLE NIGHT VISION
MY MOMS COOLER THAN YOURS DOES UR MUM HAVE NIGHTVISION? NO DIDNT THINK SO
what’s the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?
you can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna
What does glue have to do with this
i knew you’d get stuck there
there was this fucking guy in my math class who was rly annoying and always told me to “stop killing trees” because i used a lot of paper for sketching and i’m p sure the whole class hated him and one day he was fussing me and i literally just said real loud “can someone please tell the goddamn lorax to shut the hell up” and my math teacher looked like he was about to fucking lose it
I JUST GOT ALL FLUSTERED AND FORGOT HOW TO PRONOUNCE WORDS AND ENDED UP ORDERING A “CHICKEN QUESADILDO”
“heres ur order m’am”
the fact that you can look at “dildo” and think “armadillo“ is one of the most innocent things I’ve ever seen in my life
I THOUGHT IT SAID DILLO I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP
self-respect is my respect for myself
i could as well suck 3 thousand dicks and still respect myself so shut the fuck up
Hell I would respect u for sucking 3 thousand dicks
So we are reading The Hunger Games in English this year.
Teacher: How many of you have read The Hunger Games?
Me: *waves hand in the air*
Teacher: Good! Can anyone name a flashb--
Me: *bangs fist on desk*
Teacher: Ye--?
Me: bREAd
Teacher: ... That's corre--
Me: h E tHREw bREAD
Teacher:
Me: HUNgER gAME S
i know i give white people a lot of shit but u guys are really nice. like when the light turns green and there’s a white pedestrian that’s almost across the street u guys always do that jog thing. i know it’s kind of insignificant but i appreciate it white people. u and ur half jog thing.
